I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
