tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The air was thick with penises
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
