I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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