I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He passed out mid-signature
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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