I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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