and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I would ride that face into the sunset
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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