got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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