Kareoke will never be a sober sport
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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