I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
