Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
