Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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