Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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