Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
