Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I still have a little drunk in my system
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
