Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
