can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Vodka?
Forever.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize