What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
