Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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