i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
time to smoke my breakfast
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
