I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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