At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
