Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Found the puke drawer
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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