I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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