oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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