I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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