It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
