There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
