he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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