i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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