he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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