Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
