Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
