There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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