I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
