This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
