??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
