I didn't shave. On purpose
only if we run a train.
done.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize