Screwed.edu
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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