I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
