oh god the rape fog is back!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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