i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize