You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
