There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
