I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
