I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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