You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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