Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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