We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
This is the high leading the old right now
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
