Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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