If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
