he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
