Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
