In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
