every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
