She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
