I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
