apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
