I'm really into asian looking animals
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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