'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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