The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
