he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
