New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
