dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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