I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
