There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
