that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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