Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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