I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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