On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
All I want is dick and wine.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
