it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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