After last night, I could never be a politician.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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